True Confidence Means Admitting You Might Be Wrong
The Myth of Loud Confidence
Why is it that the loudest person in the room is rarely the most confident? We often equate confidence with certainty—believing that the person who speaks the loudest or most assertively must know what they’re talking about. But in reality, true confidence isn’t about proving you’re right. It’s about understanding that you don’t always have to be.
Confidence and humility are often framed as opposites, but they are actually two sides of the same coin. While society tends to associate confidence with being outspoken, real confidence is about knowing your worth, even when you admit you don’t have all the answers.
Redefining Humility
Humility is not about making yourself small or hiding your greatness. Instead, it is the full awareness of your abilities and the conscious decision to use them only when necessary.
“Humility is not the hiding of your greatness. It is the full awareness of everything that makes you great—and the ability to consciously choose when you will or will not use it.”
For years, I believed confidence meant always having an answer, always speaking first, and always proving a point. But the older I get, the more I realize that the people I respect the most aren’t those who are always right. Instead, they are the ones most willing to say, “I don’t know.”
Confidence isn’t about never being wrong. It’s about knowing that being wrong doesn’t change your worth.
A Personal Story of Change
A year and a half ago, I was visiting some long-time friends in Los Angeles. As we were sitting around talking, one of them stopped me mid-conversation and asked, “Why aren’t you taking the bait?”
Confused, I asked what they meant.
They explained that they had been intentionally making provocative comments—ones they knew I would normally challenge in the past. But this time, I hadn’t reacted. Instead, I had simply listened.
At first, their observation caught me off guard. I had always been the one to argue, to prove a point, to jump into a debate. But something had shifted in me. I realized that my confidence was no longer tied to proving myself right. Instead, it was about being secure enough to truly listen.
I didn’t need to “win” the conversation. I needed to understand it.
The Cost of False Confidence
There’s a hidden cost to false confidence—the kind that is rooted in ego rather than truth. In workplaces and leadership, this can manifest in several ways:
A culture where no one speaks up out of fear of challenging the “confident” person.
Decisions made based on volume and authority rather than wisdom and collaboration.
A lack of trust in leadership because no one admits when they’re wrong.
Many leaders struggle to acknowledge their mistakes because they fear it will make them appear weak or incompetent. But in reality, the most trusted leaders are those who own their failures and invite others into the problem-solving process.
Collaborative Leadership
True confidence in leadership isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about creating an environment where better answers can emerge through collaboration.
One organization I’ve seen do this well is Zillow. I’ve been in meetings, retreats, and discussions with their team, and I rarely see leaders operate with an “I’m always right” mentality. Instead, they foster an environment where ideas are openly shared, challenged, and refined.
When leadership is built on collaboration rather than control, the result is not just a stronger team, but a more innovative and effective one.
Practicing Humble Confidence
If you want to develop a confidence that is secure rather than loud, here are a few practices to try:
Say “I don’t know” more often. It doesn’t make you incompetent—it makes you real.
Ask more questions. Instead of proving a point, seek to understand someone else’s.
Pay attention to your volume. Are you speaking to be heard, or to contribute meaningfully?
Reflect on your motivations. Are you holding onto a belief because it’s true, or because you don’t want to admit you might be wrong?
The loudest person in the room isn’t always the most confident. More often, they are the most insecure. The real test of confidence is whether you can acknowledge when you don’t know something—and whether you can invite other people’s opinions even when you do know something.
Confidence isn’t about defending yourself. It’s about being secure enough that you don’t need to defend anything.
If you find yourself resisting change, ask yourself:
Am I speaking to prove something, or to learn something?
Am I holding onto my position because it’s true, or because I don’t want to be seen as wrong?
Is my ego getting in the way of truth?
Challenge yourself this week to practice humility. Instead of leading with certainty, lead with curiosity. Instead of striving to be right, strive to understand.
The leaders we trust most don’t create environments of certainty—they create environments of growth.
