Calling All People Pleasers

“I don’t care what people think about me.” Chances of you having heard or say that phrase are high. We’ve all thought this at one point or another but I don’t think it’s true. When we say this, I don’t think we really mean what we’re saying. We all have a tendency for people-pleasing. It’s natural for us to consider other people when making decisions.

I think where we get hung up in our human nature to care what others think is when those efforts (or lack thereof) become a lie we believe. When we can simultaneously be confident in ourselves and our decisions AND also be respectful and care for others, we find the right tension. (Notice I didn’t use the word balance there)

Where people-pleasing comes into this is when our nature to care for others becomes our default. When we lose the ability to care for ourselves in exchange for the well-being of others. Be proactive about building relationships with people, don't default to just making people happy. What have you done for yourself, lately? If you don't honor and value what you bring to the table, how can you expect anyone else to honor and value you?

Do you identify as a people pleaser? I would say, we all are. I don't care what strangers think of what I'm wearing or what attendees of conferences I speak at think of how fast I might talk when I'm on stage. I do, however, care what my wife thinks about how I'm parenting. And I do care what my friends think about whether my big ideas follow in line with my values.

People tend to boast, "I don't care what you think" as a defense but when it comes to the people we care about, we do value their opinion of us. We all, to some degree, have a tendency to maintain others' happiness. The only difference between me and you is who fills in that "other" category.

Remember the hang-up I referenced earlier? That’s where this comes in. When the seed of others’ thoughts and opinions gets planted as truth in our minds, lies are formed.