Conviction over Conflict

What’s the fastest way to end any conversation? Conflict of course.

I mean let's be honest does any great, healthy relationship exist without a little bit of conflict? I would be willing to bet almost anything the answer to that question is, no. Conflict isn’t only inevitable, but I want to create the case that conflict is a wonderful part of any relationship. Conflict for the sake of conflict? Well, that will never be very beneficial. However, conflict that is based on a deep conviction that someone holds, tends to result in greater depth and intimacy in relationships.

Thinking back on a time when you were in conflict with someone, did you have a deep belief about what you were fighting for? Another way to think about it is, “Am I fighting against something or am I fighting for something.” I know that can feel a little confusing, but what I'm really hoping you find is the understanding that conflict is not bad. Where conflict causes issues in many relationships is when we feel the need to simply fight against something because we feel like we need to protect ourselves as opposed to fighting for what we really believe out of an attempt to live purposefully.

I recognize that this is nuanced. I also recognize that this, for many of us, is about semantics. But what I have found is that the more I practice this, the more I am able to change the words that I am using. Whether it is what I am doing or what I believe, everything has the potential to change. And I find this to be true in small things like deciding where we're going to go eat and then larger things like deciding how we're going to spend money. It's also applicable in deciding whether or not we're gonna have a hard conversation with our boss or finally attempt to make amends with our parents.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about the hard conversations. I've spent a lot of time thinking about conflict and how it can actually serve me. And at the end of the day where I land every time is, if I am fighting for something that I deeply believe in, and my conflict is led by my conviction, it almost always leads to depth.