How To Turn Hard Into Good

I’ve shared this story before but I think it’s worth repeating.

Let me set the stage. I was 35 years old, had a good business, and a healthy marriage. I had a great community and two kids I was in love with. And yet, something was missing. I wasn’t quite sure what it was but I knew that I needed depth. I longed for deep connection, honest accountably, and most of all, a best friend. I realize that can sound childish and lame. That the idea of a grown man wanting or even needing a relationship like that with another man can seem like such a petty thing. But friend, I was in need. I was in need of a friendship what was filled with mutual respect and similar desires.

So, I called up a good friend at the time and asked if he wanted to meet for lunch. You know, the typical dude-bro lunch date with tacos and margs. We had eaten all of our food and were just about get up when I asked him if he had 5 more minutes to talk.

I'm sure you can imagine how awkward this moment felt. He looked at me a little oddly and sat back down to hear what I had to say. As tears welled up in my eyes, I looked at him and finally just blurted it out, “Do you want to be my best friend?” Then I basically blacked out. Ok, not really but the silence that followed seemed to last a full minute. Then, after what was more likely a 3 second pause, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “Yes, I would love that.” And the rest, as they say, is history. And by history I mean, lots and lots of hard work. I tell you this story to provide an example to a statement I know to be true: YOU can do hard things. We can do hard things, and we must do hard things. At 35, I never expected to sit across from another dude with tears in my eyes and ask for a best friend, but that's exactly what I needed to do.

Doing hard things is just that, hard. I get it. Because of our convictions, we have to do hard things though. I wanted to build a more meaningful relationship with my friends and develop community so I did what was hard. I showed vulnerability. I did the hard thing in order to stay true to my conviction. Because choosing easy, choosing safe, choosing comfortable jeopardizes your convictions.

I think our problem with ‘hard’ is that we equate it with bad. Turning hard into good just requires a perspective shift. Hard doesn’t mean bad. The things we want in life are hard to get. The thing we want in life are good for us to want. Hard is good and necessary in order to get where we want and stay true to our convictions.

What are you no longer willing to jeopardize for temporary comfort? What hard thing do you need to do? What is the next step will you take?