Three Steps to Building Meaningful Relationships

Three steps, that’s it.

Be Present.

The first part feels a little obvious. You have to be present in the relationship. Not necessarily physically, we have the technology to help us remain present in relationships that are beyond our city limits. You have to recognize what distracts you and remove them. For a lot of us, it can be our phones because of social media, emails, or anything. Distractions can also look like running through your to-do list during date night, avoiding hard and good conversations with your friends, and immediately turning on the TV when you get home from work. There are countless ways we can be distracted from being present in order to build a deeper relationship with those we care about.

Ask yourself this: What are the things that are distracting me?

Be Positive.

I’m not talking about a positive attitude, that’s a different conversation. I’m talking about assuming positive intent. Many of us are conditioned to live reactively, in a state of consistently protecting ourselves because we are afraid that someone is going to get us. We never give ourselves the space and the freedom to assume positive intent. I bet the people that you desire to build a relationship with really do care about you. Despite how you might have convinced yourself otherwise. I bet they love you. I bet they want what is good for you. In the end, we inevitably ruin that by assuming negative intent. I think when we allow ourselves to assume positive intent.

Ask yourself this: When I have assumed negative intent? Where can I be assuming positive intent?

Be Precise.

This might be one of the most important and yet the hardest factors of any relationship because it requires honesty and vulnerability. Be a truth-teller. The ability to be clear, to be honest, and to say exactly what it is you are feeling when you are feeling it. Being a truth-teller means communicating the good you see and appropriately engaging in conflict. Both require vulnerability to share what is true even when you’re unsure of how it will be received. It takes courage but it deepens any relationship.

Ask yourself this: How can I be a truth-teller in the relationships that mean the most to me this week?

This isn’t a one-time process. These are steps to repeat perpetually. We all have a tendency to fall back into what’s comfortable and easy. Cycling through these actions, reminders, and questions is what builds deeper relationships.