Why You’re Not Going To Achieve Your Goals

I was having a conversation with a client the other day and they said something that struck a chord with me. Paraphrasing here, essentially they said, “I’m not getting anywhere, because I’m still asking the same questions.” Does this sound familiar to you? You’ve been putting in the work and have a realization that sounds like: I’m having the same conversation so that means nothing’s changed. But in reality, you’re asking similar questions, saying the same things because everything has changed.

What struck me is that I think many of us are waiting to get to an endpoint. We’ve set our sights on a goal and put our heads down while we do whatever it takes to get there. When we do that I think we end up disappointed because we viewed growth as linear. But growth is a cycle. You should be asking yourselves the same questions over and over. What’s always going to change as you evolve is the context. In your strides to be a better person, spouse, co-worker, parent, etc. there is no end goal. The question might sound the same but the conversations at work, with your spouse, to yourself when you’re at the gym, and with your friends at the dinner table are different.

When you come to a place where you feel stuck or like you’re saying the same thing you’ve been saying forever you can make a shift. You can say things up or we can say things down. We can say “I’m not where I want to be” or we can say “I’m on my way to where I want to be.” When we say the same thing with a different inflection, we shift our perspective. We’re not changing reality. This isn’t putting a sugar coat on reality. This is shifting the focus to remind us what we’re doing is important.

Asking yourself the same questions is part of the process. Growth is a cycle. It isn’t linear. There is no end goal. By the time you get close to or have reached the end goal, you’re already striving and pushing toward the next goal.

When the work you’re doing doesn’t necessarily have a physical product, a tangible result, or a checkbox to mark off it can look like you’re asking the same questions over and over with no answer. You’re not asking the same questions you were asking a year ago, two years ago. The questions you ask ourselves are vastly different because you’re in a growth cycle.

Keep growing. Keep asking.